Best Bumper Stickers of the Year!

Those of you who read my column for the New Haven Register in olden times probably remember that in late December I listed the most interesting/funny bumper stickers I — and my readers — had spotted that year. I think it’s high time I continued this tradition, using Substack. People seem to dig it.

The photo above shows the sticker I acquired a few weeks ago because I loathe tailgaters. I had seen one on another car and loved its sarcasm. After I put it on I noticed a similar sticker on a passing vehicle: “Stop frontin.’” And then there was this: “If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair.” Still another: “Don’t tailgate me — I have rabies!”

It’s clear plenty of us desperately want to see the end of the “Make America Great” dictator. This is reflected in many and varied bumper stickers:

— “Make lying wrong again.”

— “Make America not embarrassing again.”

— “Make America green again.”

I also saw lots of stickers on the bumpers of angry Democrats:

— “Get real — like Jesus would ever own a gun or vote Republican.”

— “Our hopes and prayers are for the NRA to be abolished.”

— “No guns for men.”

— “A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves — Edward R. Murrow.”

Although, hell yes, I’m a liberal, I’m also searching for stickers expressing opinions with which I disagree. Come on, conservatives! Where are you? All I could find was this: “If you can’t stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them.” Oh, and there’s the hostile dude who parks on my block all day to use the Yale Shuttle service; his rear bumper announces: “Keep honking. I’m re-loading.”

My friend Robin contributed these two: “God bless everyone. No exceptions” and a quote from Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, when his allies offered him transportation out of his besieged country: “I need ammunition, not a ride.”

Here was hope for all of us worrying our way through another difficult year: “You’ll get through this.”

There were also some funny ones to help us “get through”:

— “Animals don’t litter and pollute. Please behave like animals.”

— “My dog behaves better than your kid.”

— “My building is smarter than your honor student.”

— “Eat the rude.” (That’s reminiscent of “Eat the rich,” a slogan from the ‘60s).

— Keep earth weird.”

— “The future ain’t what it used to be.”

— “Caution: driver singing.”

Bev Francis saw this one on a Jeep: “Honk if any parts fall off.”

How about this sentiment: “I love aging and dying.”

— “Books you don’t need is a place you can’t find.”

And speaking of books, I saw these stickers on sale at Books & Co. in Hamden, my favorite local bookstore:

— “Books change lives.”

— “It’s not critical race theory. It’s United States history.”

— “If your vote didn’t count they wouldn’t work so hard trying to take it away.”

— “The climate is changing faster than we are.”

— “How easy it is to make people believe a lie and how hard it is to undo that work again — Mark Twain.”

Readers, I welcome your nominations for best bumper stickers as we slog through 2024. You can email me at rbeach8@yahoo.com. Imagine the political messages!